it is the end of the semester crunch. three papers in three weeks. this is my goal...it has to be, seeing classes end in just three weeks. gotta love deadlines. the weather isn't helping either. it is so beautiful here. spring. ah, the serenity! my jacks (jackie, jackie bug) just moved in with me and josh, her husband to follow suit next week. They are taking the old seminary plunge, so as they search for a new home, we have new roomates:) we are glad to have them. meanwhile josh and i prepare to take some sort of plunge, somewhere. this, of course, makes me feel moody, because i like to know things. what can you do? wait. trust God. oh the cliches, why do they have to be so true?
really good music for those who listen to internet radio......folkalley.com
toodles.
unafraid
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
There is this man at my church who sings in our little choir. He sings loud and he throws his hands in the air. His mood always suits the music. No one could ever accuse this man of being unenthusiastic. He participates in his singing with all of his being. He looks strange, and sometimes I even get the church laughs, but mostly I am just jealous of his raw inhibitions. If I could only be so brave.
Of course, there is the issue of chaos in worship. I went to a revival once where a very loud man ran around the church placing his hand on willing (and unwilling) attendees yelling out the word “fire”. People were falling down all around me. I was scared. This man eventually came to me, forcing his palm against my forehead, yelling those same words to me. I just stood there- and I was the only one standing for rows and rows. There were a few nearby swatting something, I found my way to a chair near them, but it did not take me long to realize that they too had been taken by the holy spirit. They were swatting it away, dodging it like a big bumble bee. I eventually told my friends I would be outside. I walked across the street and ate a Subway, and I would have smoked a cigarette if I had one.
But this man is not chaotic. He is just strange and unafraid to show it. I, too, am strange. My husband says so all the time, and anyone who knows me well would say so as well. But, I go to church and sit in my pew. I sing quietly. I never pray out loud. I hide my weirdness with quietness.
I suppose this brings me to the issue of identity. So much of the way I act in worship is motivated by fear. Fear of someone hearing my weak prayers. Fear of someone seeing my raw acts of worship. So much fear. I don’t know why I get so afraid, but I am sure it has something to with not getting who I am to God.
I still think that revival was weird, and I have never seem someone swat the holy spirit since that night. But this man, though his worship at times might resemble a holy spirit swatter, seems to know and love God unabashedly. This is something I look forward to on Sunday. The community of worship, this man, who helps me be less afraid.
Of course, there is the issue of chaos in worship. I went to a revival once where a very loud man ran around the church placing his hand on willing (and unwilling) attendees yelling out the word “fire”. People were falling down all around me. I was scared. This man eventually came to me, forcing his palm against my forehead, yelling those same words to me. I just stood there- and I was the only one standing for rows and rows. There were a few nearby swatting something, I found my way to a chair near them, but it did not take me long to realize that they too had been taken by the holy spirit. They were swatting it away, dodging it like a big bumble bee. I eventually told my friends I would be outside. I walked across the street and ate a Subway, and I would have smoked a cigarette if I had one.
But this man is not chaotic. He is just strange and unafraid to show it. I, too, am strange. My husband says so all the time, and anyone who knows me well would say so as well. But, I go to church and sit in my pew. I sing quietly. I never pray out loud. I hide my weirdness with quietness.
I suppose this brings me to the issue of identity. So much of the way I act in worship is motivated by fear. Fear of someone hearing my weak prayers. Fear of someone seeing my raw acts of worship. So much fear. I don’t know why I get so afraid, but I am sure it has something to with not getting who I am to God.
I still think that revival was weird, and I have never seem someone swat the holy spirit since that night. But this man, though his worship at times might resemble a holy spirit swatter, seems to know and love God unabashedly. This is something I look forward to on Sunday. The community of worship, this man, who helps me be less afraid.
my sister
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
my sister now has a blog It is titled midnight runs. I, like my sister have an infatuation with Mcdonalds coke. I am not sure what their little secret is, but the fizz to coke taste ratio is nothing less than perfect. Not to syrupy. not to gassy. just right. another thing my sister and I love, (that she has yet to admit to on her blog) is our love for fish filet sandwiches from Mcdonalds. Yes, that greasy little fish sandwich with a lump of tarter sauce all wrapped up in the baby blue wrapper. This is our little secret, and we will gladly drive late at night to indulge in this nasty little habit. Hence, the title of Whitney's blog. Whitney is a lot of fun and has seemingly inherited the perpetual youth gene for our family. Her fun-ness is important to me and helps me walk a little lighter. It is good that God puts us in families. He must know how incomplete we would be without each other. families remind us of seasons, the "time for's" of our life. and whit and I would both agree there is a time for coke, at mcdonalds, preferably midnight, any day of the week.
green for spring
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
It is sunny here today in the STL and almost 70 degrees. In light of this glimpse into spring, I have updated my "colors" to suit the mood. Green it is. For a good laugh, click....hilarious.
http://www.whiteboydj.com/babygotbook/
http://www.whiteboydj.com/babygotbook/
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