one month in.

one month in:

• Annie sleeps mostly through the night. I get up once, between 12 and 2. Annie- you rock, little one.
  
• She smiles, mostly still unknowingly, but cute nonetheless.
  
• We often walk by her, sleeping, and say- Annie is the cutest baby ever.
  
• Her hair is amazing. Rock stars use some serious product to get their hair to stand the way hers does. I love it. And it only keeps getting more amazing and rock star-ish.
  
• She has the brightest eyes. Babies take some time to wake up- but she has been bright eyed from her first few days of life. She gazes in what seems like wonderment, whenever she is awake.
  
• Josh wants to call her Scout- she has that look about her.
  
• She may look like Josh, but she got her mama's lungs. She can wail. Spirited, I say.
  
• And the cheeks, I mean- I just can't get enough of them.
  

me, a month in:

• Getting stronger. Starting to feel like me again.
  
• Tired, but not as tired as I thought I would be.
  
• Watching lots of  "The Office" with Josh- We're halfway through Season 2. Love me some Dwight.
  
• Lots of internet engagement. I'll be glad when the weather warms up and we can get outside. I need some distance from Facebook:)
  
• Eating way too many sweets. Last week, I declared it was "making up for lost time week"- I decided I would let myself indulge in all the sweets that had invaded my house without guilt- given I did not have one decent craving my entire pregnancy. I thoroughly enjoyed every bite- but now I have to detox, and well, that's no fun. I have eaten a lot of salad the past few days (and the rest of the cookies:)
  
• I am seriously considering not buying the converter box for our TV. I have had the TV off for several days, and it's been nice. Josh and I do so much from our laptops- even the few TV shows I watch, I watch on the internet. I had enough morning TV to last me a decade during this pregnancy, and it's just the same crap over and over again, so I think I may be done. At least for now.
  
• And drumroll...we were back in church this week. It was bittersweet. We are in such an in between place with "church"- this is a move almost in the complete opposite direction we are moving (in the suburbs, low liturgy, little to no observance of the Church Calendar); but there is a community of folks in our area- who are wanting to live in "community" with each other- and we need that and know how essential that is to our basic spiritual life. I don't understand it, but this is where are being led, at least for now, and I am just trying to have a heart that is yielding and not stubborn.

mama and annie

three ways

some hope in Tulsa

This has been a week of things coming together.

work- yes, I am going back. One evening a week. I was going to work two, but I just didn't feel quite up for it yet. I was nervous about asking to work just one- but they were fine with it, and it was a relief. We'll be eating lots of beans and rice, but it feels like the right move for now.

babysitter- Josh's very kind cousin has offered to keep Annie when I go to work until Josh can get home. This was another thing I have been fretting over for several months- but I am so thankful she is willing, and I can breath a little easier knowing Annie will be with someone who is a great mom and so caring.

Phototgraphy- the emails keep coming in, and I am praying I will land some Summer weddings soon. I have one on the books and a few others in the wings. This will help greatly and keep me at home, which is hopeful goal.

Church- We've decided to dive into a PCA church here in Tulsa. We had originally decided against it because it is pretty far away from our home, we really wanted some local community, but after visiting several other churches that were closer- there just didn't seem to be an obvious fit. So, Josh called the pastor of the said church, and asked if there were any folks involved in the church that lived in the midtown area- He connected us immediately- and in a few short days I have been to a women's bible study, got invited to a book club, and joined a community group that literally meets a mile or so from our house. I cannot tell you how encouraged I feel that HUMAN CONTACT has begun. It has involved some laying down of expectations, but I have learned that I am no place to be demanding things at this point. If these past 10 months have taught me anything, it is the beginnings ( I hope ) of humility and mercy.

And the bottom line is this- We are supposed to be here. Josh has flourished in this job, and is doing so well. To be able to see this and see others see and recognize his giftedness brings me such great joy. It doesn't mean I don't miss the places I have left and don't dream of getting back there- but it does make me more yielding to this story that God is weaving, however challenging it is at times. And as I look over these past few days, when I felt like I was at the end of myself in regards to making friends here, and finding a place where we could rest and connect- God made a way, and for this I am so thankful.

And lastly, I just want to say Thank GOD for the internet. Say what you will about false community and what have you- but being able to stay connected to my friends whether it be on this blog or the beloved Facebook or whatever, it has kept me from going to the dark place many times these past few months. It doesn't replace real contact, and real conversations and your real, live smiling faces- but it has helped nonetheless. so thankyou.